Feeling very low and very tired with everything that has ever been. Mostly I feel guilty, for not having done enough to fix this world.
People never seem to understand that social situations are so difficult for me. Yes I can banter, I can be witty even, but when that person stands in front of me and starts to talk every fibre of my being is rebelling against the situation.
It’s bad enough when they’re friendly, but when its thinly veiled hatred the shields that protect my mind are melted into slag and NO ONE can see it.
My oldest conception of depression and the mixed state. In depression the ball is brown and amorphous, smothering the buildings around it, in the mixed state it burns like a malevolent sun, scorching the earth.
Todays mood. I feel extremely washed out, as if all the energy in my body has drained away. I know why. I spent a lovely weekend away with friends and any socialising – even good socialising has a mental health hangover.I can feel the darkness ahead of me and wonder if I have the drive to avoid it.
This was a sketch, done very quickly, to try and externalise how I was feeling about the pressures of life, work, relationships … everything. In a way it’s me carrying the world, but in another it’s a beautiful place full of fire and magic, a place in which I have created something magical. Ultimately it’s a moment in time never to be reclaimed.